windsy172

oh im so bored i hate being grounded and stuck in this house. i hate this house. my mom wont leave me alone adn keeps asking about my cutting, she still doesnt know about the not eating anything thing tho. i hope she doesnt cuz then she'll never leave me alone. and we didnt have school today(damn snow) so i didnt even get to see Jaron (the boy i like sooooo much) and i cant talk to him cuz i dont have a phone adn i only get to see him at school. Hes the only person that i actually care for and my mom is taking that away from me. errgh  

wow im actually going to church. i never go. this is weird 

Ok well life officially sucks. i got caught shoplifting yesterday and now i have to go to court. and my mom is freaking out cuz she found out about my cutting and she wanted to put me in the psych ward i told her she was crazy. i also told her that i dont like talking to her and that weve never been close which was obvious and now shes just mopping around and wont talk to me which is fine but she took my phone and i want it back. so yeah i cant talk to jaron which is the only person in the world that i actually care for adn can trust and ill only get to see him in school. i doubt hell even want to talk to me though once i tell him what happened which sucks cuz we were like almost dating and now i fucked it up as usual. i always screw up the good things in my life. i wish i could fix everything. and i hate my mom she needs to give me my phone so i can talk to the people i actually like and then never talk to me again. its awful im almost wishing she gets sick (she has a disease called Lupus which makes her really sick sometimes and she has to be hospitalized). i sound like an awful person and im not im really not, sometimes i just think awful things and make bad mistakes. i hope Jaron forgives me and maybe he can help me through things right now. 

wow my mom is so annoying she can say one word and piss me off ugh. AND i ate a chocolate cupcake today and its not like i couldnt id feel bad, it was Aurelia's birthday adn she gave it to me, shes a little girl i tutor in spanish. that is the only thing ive eaten so i dont think i went over 300 calories but im still not eating anything else today. and i didnt cut yesterday or today im pretty pumped. my best best best best friend suzie found out though. she didnt really say much she just asked why and said she worries about me. its nice to know she cares but she doesnt judge me, i love her. oh i also looked so cute today i loved my outfit, i got to wear my bright pink heels that ive been dieing to wear and so many people told me i looked cute today. it made me happy. well i think im going to go listen to music and try to sleep so im not tempted to eat the yummy spare ribs my mom made for dinner. bye now!

School = HELL! were starting a new project in history and its seriously ridiculous. all we have to do is research a topic and give a presentation seriuosly EASY. but incredibly boring. Kacey my besttts friend is doing the project with me and she wants to join here but she doesnt like to write so i dont think its gonna happen. BTW the boy is an ass i cant stand him he makes no sense i dont know whats up with him. HE DRIVES ME BONKERS! i hate school its such a waste of time i cant wait to get out of highschool and go to college to do some real work. BORED bored boreeeeddd. k byess

ok so  today was a pretty good day i ate too much but oh well i got good grades so im not grounded which is prettty awesome. That guy is still being a bum though i dont get him im about ready to give up on him and move on. oh well today is a good day and im pretty sure im not gonna cut either which makes it a great day.

ok this day just sucks...ive already cut once and i think im going to again. i seriously have been doing so bad the past few days im eating much too much and i cant purge anymore cuz my stomach is killing me already. i need to cut, but i shouldnt, i neeeeed to, i have to, im going to. bye 

ok so this boy i realllllly like is way amazing and he likes me alot but he wont make it official (like the girlfriend title) its driving me crazy. Is he embarrassed by me? or maybe hes just shy, im not sure. When were alone together hes definitly not shy but around people he is. he wont even touch me around other people. He only kisses me in front of my best friend. I have no idea whats going on. Hopefully ill figure things out. 

ok so i thought today was going to get better but no i was wrong...i was just sitting watching All Dogs Go To Heaven and i just like raided my kitchen it was awful, i ate wayyyy tooo much . i feel like a fat tub of lard this is the worst feeling i want to go cut but im really trying not too. i already purged and i hate doing that but it was necessary. i just have to fight the urge to cut, my dad is already suspicious of the scars on my arm. i shouldnt do it. i really want to, i should i need to punish myself for eating so much. ugh i need help. 

ok well its only noon and i already ate a piece of black berry pie!! ugh grosss i think im gonna run on the treadmill for a while to burn that off. One good thing is that my mom adn sisters are going to a birthday party but im not going. i dont want to be around all those calories. today will get better, its Super Bowl Sunday for goodness sake !  

Hey BEAUTIES!! im new and just wanted to introduce myself and let you all know im here for you!!!

Stay beautiful!